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10 Conversational Tips That Take The Stress Out Of Small Talk

We’ve all been there: you’re at a party and trying to find an “in” to start an engaging conversation with someone you just met. Or, maybe it’s a professional conference, and you want to make an impression on a new contact you’d love to have in your network. You want to say the right thing, but your mind feels blank, like you’ve completely forgotten how to communicate with other human beings.

Making small talk is a skill, and it’s not easy, but the good news is that there’s always time to learn. Think about the conversations you have with the people you like and know well. When talking with these people, you likely practice good conversational skills without even realizing it, like:

Listening attentively.
Being present.
Trying not to repeat yourself.
Showing interest.
Going with the flow.

The trick to making great small talk is to find ways to call upon those same friendly conversational skills, even when you’re speaking with someone you don’t know well, in a brand-new environment, or in an awkward or high-pressure situation. How do you do that? We’ve got your back. Here are 10 tips to improve your small talk game and make it look easy.

1. Start with an introduction. Sometimes the best way to break the ice is simply to introduce yourself.

“Hi, I’m Pete, the groom’s brother. How do you know the couple?”
“I’m Allison Smith, the head of sales at Office Corp. What company are you representing?”
“My name’s Lupita. I’m in the theater program here at NYU. What’s your major?”
It seems easy, but you’d be surprised how quickly people can forget a simple introduction when they’re fumbling for the best thing to say. If you start with your name and some information related to the event or something you might have in common, you create opportunities to learn something about them, which can help you launch effortlessly into a longer conversation.

2. Have some topics in the bank.

It’s easy for your mind to go blank when you’re asked a question about yourself or trying to pull topics out of thin air, so make sure you always show up prepared. Think of three to five interesting things you’ve done recently that might make good conversation starters, such as:

A new restaurant you’ve tried.
A book you loved.
A movie you’re really excited about.
The last trip you took.
What you did over the weekend.
Your most recent professional development opportunity.
Your favorite hobby.
The unique origins of pasta names. (Well, we like dictionary talk …)
While you’re at it, brush up on current events that might be interesting to discuss. If you’re attending a work event, make sure you’re up-to-date on the latest industry news and goings-on at your company.

3. Use open-ended questions.

Asking a “yes or no” question is one of the fastest ways to kill a conversation because it doesn’t give you anything to build on. Instead, try to ask open-ended questions. These are questions that can’t be answered with a single word, and that means the other person has to expand on what they’re saying, giving you plenty of opportunities to latch onto something they say and keep the words flowing.

4. Agree, then add something.

If you’re at an event and someone makes an observation about your surroundings, the host, or even something totally unrelated, go with it. Their statement can be a good opportunity to add your own observations, establish a connection, and move forward into a conversation. First, affirm what they’ve said, then add your own take, and follow it up with an open-ended question that leaves room to move to a new topic. Here’s how it might look in action:

Them: “This signature cocktail is pretty good, huh?”
You: “It is. It really complements the appetizers. Have you tried them yet?”

If you don’t happen to agree with what they’ve said, that’s okay! You can still politely acknowledge it and forge ahead.

Them: “This signature cocktail is pretty good, huh?”
You: “It’s very unique. My attention has been on the appetizers. Have you tried them yet?”

5. Be complimentary.

If you want to seem friendly and approachable, find nice things to say about others. (We happen to have some helpful synonyms for the word nice and tips for delivering sincere compliments.) People are more likely to be drawn to you if you’re open about pointing out how funny something they said was, how much you admire their sense of style, or how interested you are in their work. Compliments can also be a way to begin a conversation. Try something like this:

“I just had to tell you, I love that tie! It’s so bold. I’m Eric, by the way. What’s your name?”
“Dr. Stein, I’m Lexi Jones. I’m so thrilled to meet you. Your book was fascinating. Are you studying anything new?”
“I’m Shawn. My sister said you’re an amazing artist. I’m so glad we ended up at the same table. Tell me about your work.”

6. Let them teach you something.

No one is an expert on every topic. If they mention something you don’t know much about, don’t let the conversation die there. Use it as an opportunity for conversation. People love to talk about themselves and things they’re passionate about, so express your curiosity and allow them to share more knowledge with you. Here are some ideas for how to do this:

“I’ve never been fly-fishing before. What is it like?”
“I’m not familiar with that program yet. Is it difficult to learn?”
“I’ve been meaning to check out that band. Which album should I start with?”

7. Use the ARE method.

If you’re the kind of person who wishes there was an easy equation for small talk, we have good news. Some psychologists recommend the ARE method. ARE stands for anchor, reveal, and encourage.

First, anchor yourself and the other person in the moment by making an observation about your shared location or experience. Next, reveal something about yourself in relation to the anchor, like how it makes you feel, something you’ve noticed, or something you’re interested in or excited about. Lastly, encourage participation from the other person by asking a related question. It will look like this:

Anchor: “There are so many new faces at the conference this year.”
Reveal: “I’m really inspired by all of the talent here.”
Encourage: “Have you met anyone interesting so far?”

8. Be real with it.

If you’re feeling rusty at small talk, guess what? You are not alone. Most people struggle with talking to and getting to know new people, and it’s okay to admit that it’s hard. If you express that you’re not very good at small talk or feeling nervous in the situation, many people will find this relatable and it can start the conversation—which is the goal! It can be as simple as saying something like:

“I’m terrible at small talk, but I’m really interested in speaking with you.”
“I apologize in advance for any awkwardness. Small talk isn’t my strong suit, but I’m really curious about your work.”
“Nothing like trying to make small talk with a table full of strangers, huh? How’s your night going?”

9. Have an exit strategy.

Sometimes you just need to get away. That’s okay. Making a smooth exit is also a part of being skilled at small talk. You could excuse yourself to the restroom or the buffet, but the easiest way to get out of a conversation is to be polite and direct. Let them know you enjoyed speaking with them and that you’re going to direct your attention to something else now.

“It was lovely meeting you. I’m going to refresh my drink and check in with the host.”
“Excuse me, but I just saw someone I need to speak with. It was nice chatting with you.”
“I’m so glad we met. I hope to run into you again later on.”

10. Practice often.

For many of us, hating small talk also means avoiding it at all costs. The only problem is, this makes small talk harder when it can’t be avoided. Instead of fleeing from every situation that might require you to banter with strangers, try to see those as opportunities for more practice.

Most small talk conversations have fairly low stakes. Practice introducing yourself, asking a few questions about the other person, and politely excusing yourself after a few moments. Before you know it, you’ll be a pro, and awkward silences will be a thing of the past.

Copyright 2024, AAKKHRA, All Rights Reserved.

Lovely daugther

My Lovely son

If Yuo’re Albe To Raed Tihs, You Might Have Typoglycemia

Ever heard of typoglycemia? Even if you haven’t, chances are you’ll recognize one of the viral puzzles that explains this phenomenon. Starting around 2003, an email circulated through what seems like every inbox claiming that scrambled English words are just as easy to read as the original words.

However, as cool as the original email was, it didn’t actually tell the whole truth. There’s more to scrambled words than meets the eye.

What is typoglycemia?

That viral email tested our ability to read scrambled words. Here’s what it looks like:

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Could you read it? Even with a mistake in this viral email (rscheearch cannot spell researcher), the truth is pretty much every fluent English-speaker can read and understand it.

The word-scrambling phenomenon has a punny name: typoglycemia, playing mischievously with typo and glycemia, the condition of having low blood sugar. Typoglycemia is the ability to read a paragraph like the one above despite the jumbled words.

Is typoglycemia real or a trick?

Does it take you nanoseconds to solve the Word Jumble in the newspaper? No? While your brain can breeze through some word-scrambles, it’s more complicated than that click-bait email suggests.

Matt Davis, a researcher at the MRC Cognition and Brain Sciences Unit at Cambridge University, will help us sort it out. Here’s what they believe the email got right: unless you have a rare brain disorder, people read words as whole units, not letter-by-letter. That’s one of the factors explaining why we can “magically” read the message.

But here’s where Davis reminds us why the daily Word Jumble still manages to scramble our brains for breakfast. That trending email led us to believe all we need is for “the first and last letters to be in the right place” and nothing else matters. Actually a lot else matters.

What makes a scrambled word easier to read?

Here are some other factors a jumbled passage needs in order for everyone to easily read it:

1. The words need to be relatively short.
2. Function words (be, the, a, and other words that provide grammatical structure) can’t be messed up, otherwise the reader struggles.
3. Switching (or transposing) the letters makes a big difference. Letters beside each other in a word can be switched without much difficulty for the reader to understand. When letters farther apart are switched, it’s harder. Take porbelm vs. pelborm (for “problem”).
4. We understand scrambled words better when their sounds are preserved: toatl vs. talot (for “total”).
5. Here’s a big one: the passage is readable because it’s predictable (especially because we’ve seen it so many times)!

Other factors play into it as well, like preserving double letters. For example, in the word according, the scrambled email keeps the cc intact (“aoccdrnig”). Double letters are contextual markers that give good hints. But we could also scramble it up this way: “ancdircog.” Breaking up the cc makes it harder, right?

All told, we’re code-making machines (we speak the code of English) and we’re wired to find meaning out of nonsense, in part by looking at contextual cues. However the codes can only be scrambled to a certain degree before we get lost.

Try these two (tougher) word puzzles

Try your hand at two hard-scrambled passages below which prove your brain needs more than just the first and last letters of a scrambled word to read it quickly.

With these, you’ll see why our brains can only handle typoglycemia to a point. The answers at the bottom; try not to cheat!

1. A dootcr has aimttded the magltheuansr of a tageene ceacnr pintaet who deid aetfr a hatospil durg blendur.
2. In the Vcraiiton are, a levloy eamlred geren, pirlaalty frmoueltad form asirnec, was uesd in fcaibrs and ppaluor falrol hresesdeads.

The first example is from that blog post by Matt Davis. The second is our re-scrambling of a fascinating Jezebel lead. And they’re not easy! Research shows that typos definitely interfere with reading speed. (There’s a reason we have spell-checkers!) Tricky jumble puzzles that can take hours to complete also prove that, in the end, letter order and spelling absolutely make or break our comprehension of a word.

Ready for the answers?

1. A doctor has admitted the manslaughter of a teenage cancer patient who died after a hospital drug blunder.
2. In the Victorian era, a lovely emerald green, partially formulated from arsenic, was used in fabrics and popular floral headdresses.

Copyright 2024, XAKKHRA, All Rights Reserved.

Special Words To Describe Someone You Love

There are so many reasons why we love and value the people in our lives, but sometimes it can be hard to find the right words to describe just what it is that makes those people so special. If you’re working on the ultimate love letter, preparing a special birthday toast, or even just talking someone up to a friend, you don’t want to fall back on broad terms like funny, kind, or cute. That’s the time to say what you really mean.

Talking about the people you love might mean talking about a significant other, but it can also mean describing a friend, parent, sibling, or other special person, too. No matter who you’re trying to describe or shower with praise, here are some handy alternatives to the most overused words to use when talking about someone you love.


Other ways to say: talented

Celebrating someone’s talent is usually a welcome compliment, but talent describes a pretty broad pool of qualities, abilities, and skills. What does that special person really excel at that makes them so, well, special? Here are a few other options to try.

accomplished
Accomplished is the word to use when someone is “highly skilled” or even “expert” at something. It demonstrates appreciation not only for their skills, but also for the time, energy, and hard work they put into acquiring those skills.

artistic
You can call someone artistic as a way of complimenting their skill and execution in art or their excellent taste and style. Someone who’s artistic likely has a unique, creative approach to many things, and this word calls that out.

capable
Have you ever been around someone who just seems to be good at everything? Those people are highly capable, which means “having power and ability; efficient; competent.”

inspirational
Sometimes a person’s gift is inspiring others around them to shine as well. Calling someone inspirational says they don’t just do great things, but they also motivate the people around them just by being who they are.

brilliant
Brilliant is the right word for someone you see as “shining brightly; sparkling; glittery; lustrous.” It might describe their distinguished abilities in one particular area or their bold and awe-inspiring approach to everything.


Other ways to say: kind

Kindness is an important quality, and a great way to acknowledge someone’s kindness is by pointing out all of the specific and meaningful ways they express it. Here are some words to do that.

affectionate
Affectionate means “showing, indicating, or characterized by affection or love; fondly tender.” Some people are more affectionate than others, so if someone’s outward displays of affection mean a lot to you, use this word to let them know it.

considerate
Considerate is the word to use for someone who is always looking out for other people’s feelings, performing small acts of kindness, or putting thoughtfulness on display on a regular basis.

big-hearted
Someone who is big-hearted is generous and kind. You might love a big-hearted person if you see that your special someone is always thinking about what they can do to show care and concern for others.

friendly
Sometimes being kind means treating everyone like a friend. Friendly people are “favorably disposed; inclined to approve, help, support.” It’s a way of explaining that your loved one isn’t just kind, but they also never hesitate to lend a hand or a shoulder to lean on.

gentle
Gentle is another way of saying “kindly” or “amiable.” Someone who could be described as gentle isn’t just nice, but is also likely a calm, compassionate, and steady figure in your life.


Other ways to say: attractive

Looks aren’t everything, but there’s nothing wrong with finding a few fresh ways to let people know they’re looking great. Rather than pulling out a bland word like attractive, here are some other options that get to the heart of what really draws you to someone.

alluring
Alluring doesn’t just mean someone is nice looking. It also means they have a charisma or charm that draws you towards them. Someone who is alluring is “very attractive or tempting; enticing; seductive.”

elegant
Whether it’s a special occasion or you admire someone’s style and grace every day, elegant is a word to use when describing someone who is “tastefully fine or luxurious in dress, style, design, etc.”

bewitching
Does someone in your life just have that special “it” factor that makes people want to be around them? They could be described as bewitching. This magical sounding word means “enchanting, charming, fascinating.”

charming
When someone is delightful or pleasing to be around, it’s usually because they’re charming. Someone might have charming good looks, but charming also extends to their sparkling personality and the way they make people feel in their presence.

lovely
Isn’t he or she lovely? This adjective means “charmingly or exquisitely beautiful.” It’s the perfect word to describe someone who is lovely in looks but also wonderful to spend time with.


Other ways to say: funny

A sense of humor is a great quality, but there are so many ways to be funny. Is the person more of a George Carlin, an Ali Wong, or a Jim Gaffigan? Here are some words to talk about the funny people in your life.

playful
If someone’s specialty is keeping things light and always finding humor in people and situations, you might describe them as playful. It literally means “full of play or fun.”

whimsical
A childlike or even off-the-wall sense of humor might be called whimsical. This word means “given to whimsy or fanciful notions; capricious.” Think: Robin Williams.

clever
Some people always know the right thing to say. You might describe them as being clever. These quick thinkers always find a way to get laughs by being both charming and bright.

hilarious
Hilarious means “arousing great merriment; extremely funny,” and it’s reserved for the people who are truly laugh-out-loud funny. These folks might be the life of the party or they might reserve their best jokes just for you. Either way, the fun never stops.

witty
Someone who is witty sees the world a little differently, and their sharp observations and clever comebacks can be very entertaining. They also might be funny in several mediums. Witty means “possessing wit in speech or writing; amusingly clever in perception and expression.”


Other ways to say: smart

If you value intelligence, then you’ll probably also value having more than one way to talk about it. Pull out one of these bonus words when describing the brainiacs in your life.

astute
If someone wows you with their keen perceptions and spot-on observations, you could say they’re astute. This word describes people who are shrewd, intelligent, and always the first to connect the dots.

crafty
While crafty can mean that someone is great with a sewing machine, it also means “cunning; deceitful; sly.” This doesn’t mean a crafty loved one is up to no good. It just means you want them on your team on game night.

wise
Wise describes the person you go to for advice, support, and to talk about the deep stuff. Wise means “having the power of discerning and judging properly as to what is true or right.” These people are like the lighthouses in the storms of life.

shrewd
If that special person in your life always knows how to get the best deals or how to convince people to be on their side, they might be shrewd. Shrewd means “cunning or tricky; artful,” and it’s a word for people who know how to use their deep intelligence to their advantage.

bright
No, we don’t mean the person you love is shining like a light bulb. Bright means “quick-witted or intelligent.” It’s a word that describes people who have many skills, catch on quickly, and are always capable of learning something new.

Copyright 2024, XAKKHRA, All Rights Reserved.

Words That Capture The Beauty And Charm Of English

What makes a word beautiful? Often, it’s a combination of factors. It might be that the word is especially fun to say, or maybe it evokes a feeling or image that is particularly pleasing. The meaning of the word itself might also be beautiful, or it could refer to a beautiful idea. And, of course, sometimes you just really like a word for reasons that can’t be entirely explained.

The author Henry James once said that summer afternoon was the most beautiful phrase in the English language. Ray Bradbury liked the word cinnamon. Tessa Hadley has expressed admiration for cochineal. Which words strike your fancy? Keep reading to learn more about 15 of the most beautiful words in English. Who knows? You might even find a new favorite.

ephemeral
Ephemeral means “lasting a very short time; short-lived; transitory.” It’s both a lovely sounding word and one that’s frequently used to describe things that are beautiful or wonderful, but short lived.

The painter tried to capture the ephemeral beauty of the autumn leaves.
The word comes from the Greek word ephḗmeros, meaning “short-lived, lasting but a day.” Lucky for us, the word itself has lasted much longer than that. It’s been in use in English since the late 1500s.


idyllic
If you need a word for something beautiful and quaint, idyllic is here for you. Idyllic means “suitable for or suggestive of an idyll; charmingly simple or rustic.” An idyll is a poem or prose describing pastoral or appealingly simple scenes.

She returned home to the idyllic small town where she grew up.
The word was first recorded in English in the late 1800s, though the noun form, idyll, has been in use since the 1590s. They derive from Greek eidýllion, or “a short pastoral poem.”


serendipity
How fortunate that serendipity just happens to be on this list. Serendipity is “an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident.”

The pirate knew that finding the treasure would require hard work and a bit of serendipity.
This word was coined by author Horace Walpole. Serendipity is the ability possessed by the heroes of The Three Princes of Serendip, a fairytale he published in 1754. Fun fact: one of Walpole’s other stories, The Castle of Otranto, is believed to be the first Gothic novel. Seems Walpole was working with a bit of serendipity himself.


gossamer
Gossamer has a lovely sound and is used to describe lovely things. It means “something extremely light, flimsy, or delicate.”

The butterfly fluttered on gossamer wings.
Gossamer was first recorded in English in the late 1200s from the Middle English gos(s)esomer or gossummer, which means “a filmy substance made of cobwebs; fine filament; something trivial.” It’s still frequently used to describe delicate spider webs, like those seen covered in dew on a crisp fall morning.


incandescent
Incandescent means “intensely bright; brilliant,” and it’s been lighting up the English language since at least 1785.

The night sky glittered with incandescent stars.
Incandescent comes from the Latin incandēscere, or “to glow.” Of course, incandescent doesn’t have to something literally glows or is intensely bright. It can also be used to describe someone or something that has a brilliant, electrifying presence.


diaphanous
With its bright long i- sound and its soft ph-, diaphanous is one of those words that just feels nice to say. Diaphanous means “very sheer and light; almost completely transparent or translucent.”

The morning sunrise glowed through the diaphanous curtains.
The word has been in use since the 17th century, and it works especially well for describing fabric or textures that are so thin and sheer they almost seem to glow with the light passing through them.


sibilance
Sibilance is one of the more pleasant-sounding words to say, and it’s used to describe sound. It means “a hissing quality of sound, or the hissing sound itself.”

I dozed in the hammock to the ocean’s gentle sibilance.
You could use this word to describe unpleasant hissing sounds, like malfunctioning electronics, or for something more beautiful, like in the example above. Plus, the word itself has a gentle hissing quality. Say it with us three times: sibilance, sibilance, sibilance. Ah, so soft and soothing.


gloaming
Gloaming is another word for “twilight; dusk,” and not only does it describe one of the most beautiful times of the day, but the word itself is also nice to say. It sounds very similar to glowing, and it has a magical quality.

We walked through the forest and watched fireflies twinkle in the gloaming.
The magical quality might have something to do with its age and origin. The word has been in use since before the year 1000, and it’s believed to be related to Old Norse glāmr, meaning “moon.”


halcyon
If you’re gazing out over a tranquil lake, halcyon might be the word that comes to mind. It means “calm; peaceful; tranquil,” and this word has a fascinating origin story.

The halcyon weather made for a perfect day at the beach.
Halcyon can be traced back to the Greek halkyṓn, a variant of alkyṓn, or “kingfisher.” In Greek mythology, Alkyone, or Alcyone, is the daughter of the God of the winds, Aeolus, and she was transformed into a kingfisher after throwing herself into the sea.


ebullient
Some things are just too wonderful to be contained. Ebullient is an adjective that means “overflowing with fervor, enthusiasm, or excitement; high-spirited,” and it’s a word that practically sounds as joyful as its meaning.

The ebullient young scientist couldn’t wait to share their latest discovery.
Ebullient was first recorded in English in the late 1590s. It is associated with happiness and optimism. What’s not to love about a happy word like that?


quixotic
Quixotic is a charming word that means “extravagantly chivalrous or romantic; visionary, impractical, or impracticable.” It comes from Miguel de Cervantes’ novel Don Quixote about a noble from La Mancha, Spain, who reads so many heroic romances that he becomes obsessed with the idea of being a knight.

Her actions may seem quixotic, but they also speak to her courage and passion.
By 1644, Quixote was used to describe “a person inspired by lofty and chivalrous but impractical ideals.” By the 18th century, the derivative adjective quixotic, which applies to both persons and actions, appeared.


vivacity
It’s infectious when someone has great enthusiasm and a zest for life. The word vivacity is similarly attractive. It means “liveliness; animation; sprightliness.”

The legendary Julie Andrews may be best known for her inexhaustible vivacity.
Vivacity is also a word English speakers have enjoyed for a very long time. It was first recorded in English in the 1400s.


scintilla
Scintilla doesn’t have the most beautiful meaning, but it’s certainly a satisfying and pretty word to say. The beginning syllable makes a hissing sound that is both soft and soothing, and the rest of the word seems to roll off the tongue.

We don’t have a scintilla of doubt that words are powerful.
Scintilla means “a minute particle, spark, trace.” It is a loan word from Latin, in which it means “spark.” It was first recorded in English in the late 1600s.


lilt
A lilt is a “rhythmic swing or cadence,” and the word has a soft, musical quality that matches its meaning. The origins of this word are unclear. It’s thought to come from the Middle English lulte, perhaps akin to the Dutch lul, meaning “pipe,” or lullen, “to lull.”

She spoke with a soft Southern lilt that put me at ease.
Lilt first appeared in English as early as 1300, and we’ve been swaying along ever since.

Copyright 2024, XAKKHRA, All Rights Reserved.